Black Couples Therapy

*Note that I work with couples of all identities*

*This space is non-judgmental, inclusive, anti-racist, and affirming of all identities*

Do you feel like your partner doesn’t listen? As a black couples therapist, that is the number one concern that I hear from couples that I work with. When you aren’t feeling heard or understood, your relationship can begin to feel exhausting and resentment can build up. Regular bickering alongside feeling disconnected tends to chip away at the trust that is necessary to resolve conflict in a healthy way.

In an attempt to keep the peace, many couples fall into a cycle of avoiding difficult or sensitive topics leading to relationship anxiety. If this sounds familiar, therapy for black couples can help you to talk about the hard things in a healthy way. Couples Therapy can help rebuild the trust between partners that find themselves feeling very alone while still technically “together”.

All Couples Go Through Obstacles

Couples therapy with me can provide a safe space for interracial couples, intercultural couples, and couples of all identities to find support, healing, and reconnection with one another. It is inevitable that long-term couples will go through hardships and challenges at times. There are often contributing stressors outside of the relationship that aren’t being coped with or managed healthily that bleed into the dynamic. This can absolutely put pressure on our relationships (and our patience) which can put you at odds with your partner.

This pressure cannot be understated given the systemic racism that black couples and couples of color have to navigate day-to-day life through.

We continue to navigate a global pandemic in an activating racial climate. The tension and stress resulting from the last few years has furthered the divisiveness across the world - and in some cases, that division has spilled into our relationship in one way or another. 

In addition, day-to-day stressors, different ways of communicating, societal expectations, transitions, infidelity, betrayal and cultural differences can contribute to disconnection & discord. Despite earnest attempts to resolve an issue, couples often find themselves exhausted going around in circles wondering

“How did we even get here?”

It can be daunting when your once sturdy relationship begins to feel wobbly and uncertain.

The good news is that with the help of a warm seasoned couples therapist (that’s me), you can improve your communication and build new relationship muscles towards feeling connected and understood. In fact, according to the Journal of Marital & Family Therapy, approximately 70-80% of couples who receive couples therapy experience improvement in their relationship. So you are already literally - as you read this - taking the first step towards enhancing your relationship happiness.

Couples Therapy Can Improve Your Communication

Most couples that I work with need help with communication.

It’s all too often that I hear one partner recounting their most recent conflict and the other interrupts with “That’s not what I said!”

I help the majority of my couples learn & improve healthier ways of communicating their needs and concerns. Most couples walk away with less relationship anxiety and more confidence when approaching conflict resolution. My initial work in couples therapy often involves translating what couples are actually saying to each other in real-time.

This often results in partners responding “Oh!!! THAT’s what you meant?” 

Our initial work together will focus on improving your active listening skills as I begin to understand each of your perspectives and experiences of the relationship (and of each other). You will learn techniques and practice applying them to your real-time concerns. As you begin to truly “hear each other”, you will be able to rebuild trust and experience more connection, empathy and intimacy.

Our sessions will also hold space to help you develop or improve your coping mechanisms for day-to-day stress as well as relationship frustrations. I teach couples the difference between “coping” and “managing” concerns and help them to approach conflict with care, concern, and curiosity. I help partners to recognize when they may be bringing their own baggage into interactions versus an actual issue within the relationship.

Working from a relational angle, my therapeutic style is compassionate, attachment based, insight-oriented and uses narrative modalities. I am committed to providing a supportive and safe environment for couples to find solutions & relief as they reach their relationship goals.

What Can You Expect In Couples Therapy ?

In our first session, I start with getting to know both partners before I get to know their problems.

I want to know what has been going well despite their current concerns. We will identify your relationship “assets” & how they could be useful in working on their growth areas. We will explore what relationship strengths and values are at play in your relationship, both past & present.

I will explore if there are any significant pain points or events in your relationship history (i.e. crisis, infidelity, loss, betrayal, etc.) that may be continuing to affect the relationship negatively.

Between 1-3 sessions, our goal is to outline how you will know that you are making progress. We want to have an idea of how you will know it’s time to end therapy.

For our work to be optimized, it’s important to be really clear and identify measurable markers or experiences that would signal that you are making steps forward. Understanding where you both are is just as crucial to knowing where you want to be.

Essentially, we are cultivating a customized couples therapy roadmap that we are all aligned on. 

What makes me different?

I’m a trained couples therapist. I exclusively work with couples and individuals who are seeking improvement in their romantic relationship. I value and respect the time, financial investment, and vulnerability of couples seeking help, and I will be VERY honest in a couples consultation by sharing if and why I have any doubt that I can help you based off of what you shared. It’s important to me that this is a mutual fit and choice.

I am NOT a passive couples therapist that will only listen and validate your feelings. I’m much more active than a therapist that moreso just listens and say “uh-huh” and “How does that feel?” from time to time.

I AM a couples therapist that will challenge you and call you out (with care). I have a sense of humor and will lean into the humanness of me. So no straight stoic faces. I don’t have a good poker face anyway so what I say is what I mean.

At all times, know that your relationship is my client (there are no favorites). I will call you out when you are being defensive…and then I will gently guide you in more healthy direction. I want you to feel empowered to cultivate the relationship that you want.  I often give homework to couples as I’ve learned that the work outside of sessions is just as important as the work you do in session with me.

I don’t see more than 8 couples at a time. This allows me to dedicate time outside of sessions customizing exercises, interventions and techniques that are unique to each couple. I don’t have a one-size-fits all rigid structure that I apply to each couple that I work with. This also allows me to have the bandwidth, energy, and presence to fully show up for each and every couple.

Your Relationship CAN become closer than ever before.

I’ve seen it happen. Having specialized in therapy for black couples, mixed, and interracial couples for nearly a decade, I have helped couples go from fighting against each other to fighting FOR the same thing (i.e. harmony, connection, intimacy).

You may be feeling very disconnected, lost and experiencing relationship anxiety…but with the support of an experienced & empathic black couples therapist, you CAN reconnect, heal & rebuild a relationship that feels safe, loving & has you laughing together again.

If you’re still reading this, it likely means that you are still committed to working towards a more fulfilling relationship…and that you just need help with the “How”.

I’d love to help you with that. If you have any questions or just want to put a voice to my name and explore possibly working together, schedule your free consultation below!

I provide a safe, compassionate environment.

*My space is non-judgmental, inclusive, anti-racist, and affirming of ALL identities*

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